SGALGG: Glee Edition

I know we’re all still doing a little Cheerio about the newest “Glee” couple Brittana, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop dreaming about other Gleeks hooking up behind the bleachers. In particular, New Directions’ resident polar opposites Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray (or Faberry, as the shippers call them). While they haven’t given us much to go on in the show, their real-life counterparts Lea Michele and Dianna Agron have given us endless Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals* material. Those girls can’t keep their hands off each other. Heck, I don’t even have to resort to hyperbole. No embellish needed. The evidence speaks for itself.

Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit Get a Room Already
They celebrate together.
They share tasty beverages.
They can barely let go to sign autographs.
In this one Dianna wishes they were alone so she can…
In this one Lea wishes they were alone so she can…
In this one they’re apparently trying on wedding dresses in anticipation of the day gay marriage gets reinstated in California.
Oh, to be young, in love and on a hit TV show.
Now, seriously, get a room.
[Final young love montage courtesy rocketdyke!]

*While I have no evidence that Lea and Dianna are definitively the S of SGALGG, I also don’t have any proof the other way. But just in case either would like to refuse their inclusion in SGALGG, I’d happily turn it into GGALGG. I always strive for accuracy.

Sandy Side

This past weekend it wasn’t a sparkly vampire or ninja assassins or even the end of the world that dominated the box office. It wasn’t a movie that required CGI or car chases or demolishing the White House. All it had was a 45-year-old female star and a bottle of peroxide. So how did “The Blind Side” emerge as the No. 1 movie in America in its third week of release? Two words: lady power. OK, two more words: Sandra Bullock.

You see, the conventional wisdom is always that women can’t open movies. And, of course, that men won’t go see a movie made for us. In short, Hollywood thinks only the big boys make for big box office. Well fuck that noise.

While I haven’t seen “The Blind Side” yet (but don’t worry, I haven’t seen “New Moon,” “Ninja Assassins” or “2012” either – and don’t plan to either), I am incredibly pleased for Sandra’s success this year. First “The Proposal,” which has grossed $164 domestically. And now “The Blind Side” which is already at $129 million. OK, so there was the unfortunate hiccup of “All About Steve” in the interim. God, that thing looked awful.

The thing about Sandy is that she is quintessentially relatable. She is that girl next door you want to hang out with and watch movies until 2 a.m. with and sneak out at 3 a.m. to TP the neighbor’s house with. Oh, only me? Fine, she’s still ridiculously affable. While I can’t say I’ve loved all her movies, I’ve always had a soft spot for her. So soft that I actually went to see “Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous.” But even in less than stellar films, she just has that thing about her. How could you hate her? And, clearly, we don’t because word-of-mouth has made “The Blind Side” the sleeper hit of the season. In short, we like her, we really like her.

So thanks for showing the old boys that a great lady can kick serious ass at the box office without ever having to kick ass. Also, thanks for looking great in a tank top. What? It is Tuesday, after all.

All in the family

Gay Ladies of Earth, I am about to make your day 100 percent better. Possibly, depending on whether you have a thing for cheerleaders, 200 percent better. What’s the one thing missing from “Glee?” Think hard. It already has singing, dancing, a gay boy, Jane Lynch. Think, think. No, not puppies. No, not car chases. No, not ninjas. (Though, really, don’t ninjas just make everything more awesome?) But no, it’s – wait for it – girls shagging. Well, wait no more. The preview for this week’s fall finale episode “Sectionals” gives us a glimmer of hope. Watch and see. (NOTE: This could probably be considered a spoiler, but stuff this good can’t wait. So, um, you’ve been warned.)

In case you’re bad with names, the blonde cheerleader is Brittany (played by Heather Morris) and the brunette is Santana (played by Naya Rivera). And, apparently, they’re having sex. Jaw, floor, hallelujah.

Of course, this is just the briefest of admissions and who knows if we’ll ever see any follow through. But what I love best are Santana and then Brittany’s reactions. Because those looks say it’s true.

Am I making too much of a simple 4-second interaction? You bet I am! This show – while it doesn’t always deliver on all of its promise each week – is still my favorite new addition this. It’s fun, it’s mean, it’s got a beat and you can dance to it. And it’s by far the gayest new show in primetime. Still, while we ladies have the always magnificent Ms. Lynch to moon over, we don’t have a lesbian or bisexual characters of our own. (Sure, I had hopes for Tina when she auditioned with “I Kissed a Girl,” but her affections seem to be of the Artie variety.) But now, jackpot.

And it’s courtesy one of my favorites. Brittany has become one of the funniest characters even though she has one of the smallest parts. “I find recipes confusing.” “You guys, it's like cool epilepsy.” “Your right hand, Brittany.

Hasn’t Santana’s gentle “It’s this one” to Brittany taken on new and fantastic meaning? Say hello to Brittana. Rule, Brittana! Brittana rules the airwaves! From here on out the square root of four will always be rainbows.

Oh, kittens. You know it’s strange, given how much more lesbian and bisexual content there is out in the media these days then just a few years ago, but it still gives me a little (OK, big) thrill when out of the blue we’re included. Also, cute cheerleaders shagging? Hell yeah.

My Weekend Crush

The democratic process has handed us a lot of bitter, painful losses of late. California. Maine. And earlier this week, New York. It seems with each Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut or Iowa comes a wall of others turning their backs to our basic right to love and have that love be recognized legally. The march toward marriage equality has been fraught with unwelcome pit stops and unacceptable setbacks. That sharp sting of defeat – whether at the ballot box or the chambers of power – reopens the wound each time leaving it raw and exposed.

But, while we resign ourselves to the reality that in many places across this country voters (or voting representatives) aren’t there yet, we must never let the disappointment sway our resolve. Because for each vote no today, there is a Diane Savino on our side tomorrow. The state senator from Staten Island stood up Wednesday and reminded us that it will be people like her who ultimately make the difference. We cannot win this fight alone. We need straight allies who are as passionate and as clear-headed and as resolute as we are. Together, we will win. Together we will prove that there truly is nothing to fear from love and commitment. Thank you, State Sen. Savino. Happy weekend, all.

Ain’t no nothing we can’t love each other through

Yep, Elyse Keaton is gay. Meredith Baxter (I will always and forever want to add the Birney) came out yesterday on “Today.” Never in my wildest wishful thinking would I have imagined that the “Family Ties” mom was actually a lesbian. Hoped? Sure. Dreamed? The naughty kind.

Her interview on “Today” was direct, honest and thoughtful. At 62, it’s definitely better late than never. A late-in-life coming out is no easier than an early-in-life coming out. In fact, it might be harder given decades of expectations and self-identifying that must be overcome. But I think Meredith handled herself with style and poise, sensitivity and candor. This is all we can ask hope for from our celebrities after all, that they share their essential truth – whatever that is – with us.

Watch her segment here. (Sorry if it won’t play internationally – Here’s a recap: She’s gay. She’s in a relationship. She’s still hot.)

I like how Matt almost said “Congratulations!” at the end of the interview. Really, they are in order. But the best part about that whole thing? Her saying: “I am extraordinarily happy.” Because, in the end, that’s what it’s all about: Being happy. Being who we are makes us happy. Being accepted for who we are makes us happy. Being in love makes us happy. Being accepted for who we love makes us happy.

This gay thing is so simple yet so complicated. It wraps around so many of the cornerstones of basic human existence like love, sex and faith yet in the end it boils down to just this: being happy.

As an enormous, enormous, enormous (yes, a third enormous – that enormous) fan of “Family Ties” growing up, this news is momentous on so many levels. Initially I watched because I had a ridiculously acute crush on Michael J. Fox. I justify said crush now by saying that if you tilt your head and squint, Alex P. Keaton looks like a petite, preppy butch girl. But I also harbored a deep and secret mom crush on Meredith. She was everything I though was great: Smart. Compassionate. Spunky. Liberal. Beautiful. And she’s got a mean right hook.

Now add “Gay” and “In a tank top” and I’ve just found heaven.

To this day impassioned speech making coupled with blue-eyed, blonde-haired All-American attractiveness is a weakness of mine. But none did it better than Meredith as she battled with her Reagan-worshiping, Brooks Brother-wearing TV son. In fact, her revelation today settles it: Elyse Keaton made me gay.

[T-shirt design courtesy StuntDouble]

Look, America. The Brady Bunch dad was gay. The Family Ties mom is gay. These are the people you already love and trust and admire. That they’re gay doesn’t change that one bit. Plus, it’s another argument for gay marriage: End fictitious TV divorces.

Meredith also did an interview with The Advocate, which features a great, “You are glasses” moment. Gosh, do you think she is a Callica fan?

Q: And was that a revelation or just a slow aha! moment?
A: No, it was pretty much a revelation. The analogy I’ve used is a story [from] when I was a kid. I never could see very well and I said something to my parents and it kind of went unnoticed, or no one really responded to it. I guess I didn’t make enough noise. When I was 12 I tried on a [friend’s] pair of glasses and I was stunned with how clearly I could see. In truth, I used to think trees looked like lollipops because there was a solid stake and this solid ball. I didn’t know most people could see leaves. Oh, this is how the world is perceived? That’s kind of what having that second relationship made me realize — that this is where I want to be because I was dead to the world in many other ways. I’ve been married three times, and I have a slew of children, but I’ve never felt that kind of connection before in that kind of awakening. It was very profound for me.

Awww. Don’t you just want to hug her – or something more? So welcome, Mama Keaton. You will always be a tender, wonderful, influential part of my childhood. And now I couldn’t be prouder or happier to get to call you a member of the family. Sha la la la.

Mmm mmm, good

Now I know not everyone shares my same level of lust love for Padma Lakshmi. I know not everyone fantasizes about admires her intensely serene mix of Zen master, dominatrix and H.B.I.C. And, clearly, I know not everyone wants to obsessively repeatedly watch her eat a hamburger. But I do all those things, possibly even the crossed out ones.

Having said that, tonight brings with it a wave of both joy and pain. Joy because “Top Chef” returns bringing with it Padma. Pain because it’s also the start of the two-part finale bringing with it the end of Padma until next season. Wah. Also wah? Padma’s new finale bangs. I’m just not exactly feeling them.

Oh well, I could still watch her eat a burger for hours. So for now I am going to enjoy the current mini-blitz of Padma-y goodness surrounding the finale and her pregnancy. Like, did you catch Padma on Jimmy Fallon last week? Mini-skirts and thigh-highs? Now that’s just damn fine television.

You know, Padma honey, you aren’t helping that (alleged) reputation as an infamous rider of the Pineapple Express by mentioning low-level highs, inhaling and being blissed out. And Seth really does need to mind his own business.

Padma is also featured in Page Six Mgazine story where she talks about her pregnancy. [Hat tip, Carol!] I’m not so much concerned about the interview (she says something about her thighs and Magellan, you know, the usual). But I was more concerned about the photo. It’s a little Miley meets Leibovitz (also, why is she the wrong shade?)

Oh, who am I kidding, it’s still Padma and that’s still more than enough for me to mmm, Padma, mmm over.

The waiting is the hardest part

Hey, TV. Yeah, you, you big Idiot Box. Look, that I love you is unquestioned. I watch you constantly. We spend more time together than I do with most of my family members. And, let’s face it, you know all of my guilty pleasures. In short, we’re close. So I feel comfortable telling you, in no uncertain terms, that you suck. Yes, suck. S-U-C-K, suck.

Look, it’s not your programming (although a lot of that does suck – come on, “Gary Unmarried,” really?). But it’s your scheduling. As in, dude, why are you making me wait so long for my shows to come back-scheduling? Three of my favorite new series this season are settling in for long winter’s naps. Like Rip Van Winkle-long naps. Think I’m kidding?

Vampire Diaries*
Last 2009 episode: Nov. 19
First 2010 episode: Jan. 21
(*Don’t judge: It’s actually really fun.)

V
Last 2009 episode: Nov. 24
First 2010 episode: March


Glee
Last 2009 episode: Dec. 9
First 2010 episode: April 13

WHAT THE HELL? That’s more than FOUR WHOLE MONTHS for “Glee.” And the shortest wait is still two months. These are unacceptably long mid-season breaks. I mean, I understand when networks decide to delay the start of a season. “Lost” and “24” fans can surely commiserate. But putting a crazy long vacation in the middle of your first season is just, well, dumb. It does two stupid things: 1) Kills critical momentum and 2) Pisses off fans.

Fans like me. Now, I’ll probably wait patiently for all these shows to return (though I’m still not 100 percent on “V” – on one hand the plotting isn’t giving me enough, on the other there’s Elizabeth Mitchell). But it doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it. In fact, I’m exactly the opposite. Anyone who makes me wait four months to see Jane Lynch again is a total loser. L-l-l-l-oser!

So, expect the cold shoulder this winter, TV. Can I ignore you completely? Clearly, no. You’re sitting right there like a big bully in the middle of my living room. But I won’t be watching you as much or as intently. Who knows, maybe I’ll even rekindle my love affair with books. Plus, books never make you wait for no good reason before you can turn the page. Take that, television.