Hot mamas

Oh my. Oh my, oh my. Halle Berry is looking very, uhm, radiant these days. I guess pregnancy really does the body good. Not to get all weird pregnant lady fetish-y here (oh, Lord, the Google searches), but I have noticed how impending hot mamahood has a, shall we say, exponential effect on certain, shall we say, prominent attributes. First Salma Hayek, now Halle Berry. Damn. I mean, I realize I’m verging on pervy here (oh, great, more Google searches), but I simply could not let these new developments to go unnoticed. No thanks required, just doing my job.

There’s something about Jessica

So, let’s discuss this picture for a minute. I know it’s been making the rounds for a bit now, but I can no longer ignore it’s inherently gay qualities. In fact, it’s just screaming out for further dissection. So, let’s dissect. Here is Jessica Biel and her tank-top wearing friend on the sidelines of the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field game earlier this month. In front of her, as handily pointed out by TMZ’s big yellow arrow, is Jessica’s boyfriend Justin Timberlake. And behind her, Jessica’s friend appears to be giving her behind a nice, firm squeeze.

OK, gratuitous girl-on-girl ass grab aside, this photo is just brimming with The Gay. The girls’ tank tops? Super gay. Their wide, toned shoulders? Mega gay. Their matching shaggy You’re-Looking-Very-Shane-Today hair? Come on, don’t make me repeat it. And that’s not even touching on their butch belts or her buff forearms. I mean, you don’t even have to have good gaydar to pick that stuff up, just moderately good vision. If I didn’t know better I would have sworn this shot was taken at the Dinah Shore. It’s that gay. Based on all this irrefutable empirical evidence, Jessica Biel is clearly either a straight woman trapped in a gay woman’s body or, well, just plain gay. Also, any chance her mystery friends/girlie groper is the same gal as from this photo taken earlier this summer? The evidence, it mounts.
UPDATE: Thanks to Anonymous #1 (with an assist from Anonymous #6) we get to see the front of our mystery groper. And, as I suspected, it only furthers The Gay. Heavens, it’s almost textbook. Punky hair. Camo shirt. Wrist cuffs. Studded belts. Cargo slacks. Checkered Vans. (Click to enlarge The Gay.)
And for the coup de grace, Jessica is wearing the exact same Vans. Flip to the “How to Become Gay Twins”-chapter in the big “Lesbian Relationship Handbook” and you’ll find this picture under Step 1: Buy the same sneakers and wear them out together.

It’s got to be the haircut

So, for whatever reason, I’ve never been that attracted to Mena Suvari. I mean, she is attractive, no doubt. But she has never been my definition of American Beauty, à la Lester Burnham. And then, I saw these pictures of her in Italian Vogue. Well, huh. What do ya know? Isn’t it interesting when something comes up that realigns the very foundation of all you held hot. It’s kind of jarring. But in a good way. Click to enlarge any of the images and let the realignment begin for yourself, too.

We are family

By now, you’ve probably already heard the big news around Hogwarts the world that Dumbledore is gay. Harry Potter headmistress J.K. Rowling flung open the closet door Friday during a reading at Carnegie Hall when a fan asked her if Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore had ever fallen in love:

“My truthful answer to you... I always thought of Dumbledore as gay… [ovation] Dumbledore fell in love with Grindelwald, and that that added to his horror when Grindelwald showed himself to be what he was. To an extent, do we say it excused Dumbledore a little more because falling in love can blind us to an extent? But, he met someone as brilliant as he was, and rather like Bellatrix, he was very drawn to this brilliant person, and horribly, terribly let down by him.

Yeah, that’s how I always saw Dumbledore. In fact, recently I was in a script read through for the sixth film, and they had Dumbledore saying a line to Harry early in the script saying I knew a girl once, whose hair... [laughter]. I had to write a little note in the margin and slide it along to the scriptwriter, ‘Dumbledore’s gay!’ [laughter and ovation] If I’d known it would make you so happy, I would have announced it years ago!”

Later, after another fan thanked her for the revelation [read the full transcript over at The Leaky Cauldron], she added:

“You needed something to keep you going for the next 10 years! Oh, my god, the fan fiction now, eh?”

OK. First of all, Yay, Dumbledore! Welcome to the family. Dude, the bears are going to love you. Second of all, Yay, J.K. Rowling! Just when I thought she couldn’t get any cooler for making millions upon millions of children (and more than a few discerning adults) excited about reading, she goes and does this. I always thought some dark magic had to be at work for there not to be a single gay character in the Potterverse.

But what I really want to do is take a moment to put this historic outing in perspective. The Harry Potter series is the best-selling children’s series of all time. To date it has sold more than 350 million copies and been translated into 64 languages. The five film adaptations so-far rank among the top 20 highest-grossing films of all-time worldwide. And now, the whole world knows that one of the most important and beloved characters in the series is gay. Wow. I think that makes it a pretty good day to be gay, don’t you?[Hat tip, suenami; Dumbledore Pride photo via mrslaurenm]

My Weekend Crush

For some reason, it’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly what draws me to Lena Headey. Certainly she is a stunner, but in a more serene way than most beautiful women. And the accent, well, the accent always gets the knees wobbling. Then there is her every-so-slightly lopsided smirk. But in the end, I think it’s because she seems always to be thinking. It’s the eyebrows and a lifetime spent perfecting the sexy scowl. She looks like she is sizing up the situation and trying to dissect what makes the person across from her tick. I like it. I like it a lot.

Many of you may have fallen for Lena as Luce, the hottest florist in the history of pretty much ever. But me, I was a goner 10 years ago when, as Sally, she waltzed into Clarissa’s heart forever in “Mrs. Dalloway.” Dear God, that simple kiss. I watched that movie the second time just for that kiss. Of course, now I can’t wait to see her kick some serious robot ass in “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.” Lena, that scowl and a shotgun? OK, now I’ve pinpointed exactly what draws me to Lena Headey. Happy weekend, all.

Foxy Friday

It’s Friday, so let’s fox things up a bit. I call these photos my black is the new sexy collection. Click any of the images to enlarge. I highly suggest you do, for purely academic purposes, of course. Heck, Jodie thinks you should, too. See how she keeps pointing to the one she likes best. So without further ado:

Do A Little Dance

Make a little love, get down tonight, get down tonight. And in heels, no less. [hat tip, cappuccino girl and Nea!]

Sheer Fabric Rocks

Uma learns the hard way that sheer fabric + camera flashes = nipplepalooza.

God Bless America

Damn, girl’s got curves for days. Just call her Cleavage-y Betty.

The Three Sexies

Julianne, Maggie and Kate give The Three Graces a run for their money in the hottie department.

p.s. Thanks ever so much for the blog love anna, sphygmo, alien queen, et al. Though now I’ve come down with a severe case of the warm and fuzzies. Whatever shall I do? Good thing I have the weekend to recuperate and get back to full snark.

Kristen Bell’s mad skillz

So Kristen Bell debuts on “Heroes” next week. In honor of her impending arrival, I give you a little sneak peek at her power. Can you guess what it is? Super strength? Regeneration? Flight? No, no and not so much. If you look closely, you’ll see that her real power is something much more, uh, handy. That’s right, her special skill is the power of lesbian persuasion.
Look out, world. The Super Lesbian Recruiter is here, she’s queer, and she’s coming for your daughters. OK, fine, so maybe that isn’t her “official” power. But you could see how I could get confused by all of these shots of Kristen and Hayden Panettiere together. Seriously, those girls can’t keep their hands off of each other.
Though, after hearing what Kristen had to say about her character Elle to TV Guide, I think I might actually not be that far off:

“She’s a little messed up in the head, which makes her manipulative and out to get what she wants….She very much enjoys her power and the emotional power it gives her over other people…There’s a very interesting dynamic between her and Claire, in terms of what is and what is not. There’s a deeper relationship there than people are expecting.”

Called it! Damn, now that would make me start watching again.