t.A.T.u. you

Uhm, remember when Mischa Barton had a budding career and a bright future? Yeah, what happened? When I first heard about the new movie “Finding t.A.T.u.,” I was pretty sure it was a joke. A movie about faux lesbian Russian girl group t.A.T.u.? Have we learned nothing from “Spice World?” Yet, per the plot synopsis:

Two teenage girls, Janie who is American and Lana who is Russian, fall in love after meeting at a t.A.T.u concert and are swept into a dangerous world of obsession, drug abuse and murder.

Alas, it’s real and really coming to a theater (or more likely direct-to-a-video store) near you. Making this all weirder, Mischa isn’t playing American Janie. She will be Ruski Lana. So we can look forward to lots of “moose and squirrel!”-level acting. Who then will play the all-American girl? Former “Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Model Search” contestant Shantel VanSanten, whose film credits so far include such illustrious roles as “Hot Date” and “Beautiful Girl.” I am on pins and needles, you? Also, good thing one of them has an accent, otherwise it might get confusing trying to tell them apart.
And just when you thought this whole farce couldn’t get any more farcical, you realize that once-acclaimed director Roland Joffé, known in better days as the director behind the Academy Award-winning film “The Killing Fields,” is helming this insane clown car of a production. Just in case you think I might be exaggerating about the film’s insane clown car/moose and squirrel-qualities, please enjoy (and I say that very loosely) this 4-minute trailer/sneak peek/what-the-hell from “Finding t.A.T.u.” Dramatic exposition via text message? Clear some shelf space for that Oscar, Mischa.

Girls rule, Warner Bros. drools

So, I know this whole Warner Bros. brouhaha about no longer doing movies with female leads broke big last week, but I’ve been marinating on it for a while now and thought I’d throw my final thoughts into the fracas. You see, whether the story is true (as Nikki Finke alleges) or false (as the PR flaks at Warner Bros. allege) really isn’t the point. That this story is even being debated as something that feasibly could have come out of the mouth of the president of a major motion picture studio in the year 2007 is the point. And it’s a point that reflects pretty fucking poorly on the state of women’s continued representation and respect in our culture. We are more than half the population and that it is still a heated debate in this country whether we can do anything our male counterparts can do (carry a movie, run a company, lead the country) is ridiculous and beyond insulting. It also makes me sad.

Well, now that I’ve had my say, please enjoy this entirely kick-ass clip of female empowerment by Katheryn, courtesy the lovely lasses over at AfterEllen. Awesome ladies, simply awesome. I’m holding out for a hero, indeed. And when she finally arrives, she’ll be wearing a bra. Or at the very least a nicely formed breast-plate.

“I Need a Hero”

[Hat tip, slacker & julissa for the WB tip!]

My Weekend Crush

So my weekend has officially started early. My sister is coming into town and I’m taking a mini-vacation and will be offline ‘til Tuesday. We’ll be doing girlie stuff. You know. Shopping. Gossiping. Talking about boys. OK, that’s what she will be doing. I’ll be carrying bags, nodding and listening to her talk about boys. Oh, who am I kidding? I love to gossip, and to shop. But, yeah, not so much the boy stuff.

As I thought about who to post as my crush this extended weekend, I decided I’d go classy. Hey, stop laughing. I can be classy. Seriously, stop laughing. Now you’re just being rude. Fine, whatever, I’ve risen above it. See, I’m being classy. When I think about classy women, I naturally think of Grace Kelly. She was, in a word, impeccable. Stunningly beautiful and supernaturally regal (even before she became actually regal), Grace was the epitome of her name. That her fairytale ended tragically early only furthered her mystique. She is forever the princess, frozen in perfection. Happy weekend, all.

UPDATE: Uh, I can’t believe I wrote “mystic” instead of “mystique” and it sat up there for four whole days. Clearly, I needed that vacation. That is all.

Nigella cooks my brain

I think Nigella Lawson is, what I believe the kids today call, Teh Sex. She cooks. She eats. She licks food off her fingers. She wears really, really tight sweaters. Pretty much, it’s all working for me. Really, really working. So when I heard she had given UK Esquire a racy interview, complete with a snap of her in a tinfoil dress, I had to look [hat tip, FeltHat!].

While the resulting interview, sadly, re-avows her rampant heterosexuality, she gives us just enough naughty bits to keep the daydreams going. And going, and going.

What does she like in a man: “Hairiness. I like an animal. Hairy back, hairy everywhere. I don’t understand why a woman would want to be with a hairless man. If I was going to go for someone smooth, I may as well be a lesbian.”

OK, I’m totally ignoring the hairy back stuff because, uh, gag. But she also said “smooth” and “lesbian” in the same sentence. And she goes on to say this:

“Stockings never fail to make you feel sexy. I like hold-ups, but the problem is if you’ve got too much meat at the top, you get a bulge there. So I often wear those over-the-knee French schoolgirl socks. But I know men like the whole strappy thing of suspenders, so I’ll wear them. In fact, thinking about it, I’ve actually worn them with nothing but a pair of shoes in bed before.”

Hold on, hold on. I’m getting a mental picture. I’m getting a…oh, my. There it is. I’ve just found my happy place. Very, very happy.

But for those who need a visual aid, I present you Teh Sex: Exhibit A (photo tip, ravaj!). I believe I just lost all higher brain function. Yep. Gone. I’ve never felt better about being an idiot.

Dear Abby: You rock

I know it’s hard to believe, but some stuff does melt my cold, cold heart from time to time. And one of the things that gets me every single time is straight allies. I don’t know why strong voices of support from our straight friends, relatives and neighbors makes me go all warm and gooey at my center. I guess it’s because it’s not really their fight. They don’t have to get mired in the muck, or have much thrown at them. But still they raise their voices for what is right -- they raise their voices for us. And that, that is awesome in my book.

So today I raise a glass to Dear Abby, the syndicated advice columnist, who has officially announced her support of gay marriage. The column is written by Jeanne Phillips, who took over in 2002 from the original Abigail Van Buren, her mother Pauline Phillips.

“I believe if two people want to commit to each other, God bless ’em. That is the highest form of commitment, for heaven’s sake.”

Hold on, I’m a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I need a minute. OK, I’m back. So, why is this so important? Well, Dear Abby is only the most popular and widely-syndicated column in the world. Yes, the world. Her advice runs in 1,400 newspapers worldwide with a daily readership of more than 110 million people. People who read it for its “uncommon common sense and youthful perspective.” And now she is telling the world that anything less than full marriage rights for gays and lesbians is second-class citizenship. Talk about your uncommon common sense.

“If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion.”

Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (which her mother, the original Abby, helped put on the map when she referred a parent to the support group in 1984) will honor Jeanne with its first-ever Straight for Equality Award. If she keeps saying stuff like this, maybe they should consider giving her the Most Awesome Straight Person in the World Award. What? It’s a real award. Or it should be.

“I’m trying to tell kids if they are gay, it’s OK to be gay. I’ve tried to tell families if they have a gay family member to accept them and love them as they always have.”

Oh, Abby. You are a dear. Thank you.

Moaning for Moennig

Wow, I apologize for that headline. The homonym alliteration was there, and I had to take it. But I think you’ll understand the sentiment after seeing these shots of Kate Moennig looking very Shane today for Diva magazine. Damn, what’s up with Diva and all the L Word actresses? Leisha was October, Kate is November. Is Jennifer Beals December? Oh, Santa, please make Jennifer Beals December*. I’ve been a good girl, I swear.It’s always a delicate dance when an actress who doesn’t talk about her sexuality does a cover story for a gay publication. I guess she is just going to let her white tank top do the talking. And her tattoos. And her fedora. And her tie. And her tongue. And what they’re all saying is, “Damn, girlfriend, you need a cheeseburger.”
The interview reads a bit like a gushing fan encounter. She asked her what she was wearing over the phone? Seriously? But it did yield some interesting tidbits, with my accompanying commentary, of course:

Which other TLW character she would play: Jenny. “I really admire what Mia does on camera. She’s created such a layered and multi-dimensional character. Jenny’s not a stereotype, you know, and I think that’s why a lot of people don’t like her - she’s complicated.”
[Uh, no, we don’t like her because of the crazy. Totally crazy]

How she would end the show: “Someone burns down The Planet Cafe. We’re all in there, talking some crap about waxing or pubic hair, and the place just spontaneously combusts.”
[Uh, I think Ilene Chaiken needs to hire an on-set therapist. Girl’s got some issues to work through.]

What is her guilty pleasure: “I’m totally addicted to Perez Hilton!…. He’s a highly entertaining person and has a wicked sense of humor …. If I saw a picture of me on that site and Perez had written something awful about me, I really don’t know how I’d feel. It could be devastating but I guess it would depend on the context.”
[Uh, there are better bloggers out there Kate. Hint, hint.]

Though, I think the most tantalizing tidbit from the show wasn’t how far she is in the last Harry Potter book or how the cast likes to watch “The Hills” in between shots, but that she just finished reading Anderson Cooper’s autobiography “Dispatches from the Edge: A Memoir of War, Disasters, and Survival” and she said, “It blew me away,” You know, Anderson Cooper the closeted prematurely-gray CNN anchor who also found himself on the cover of a national gay magazine not too long ago. Birds of a feather, I guess.[Click on any of the images to enlarge. For the full article, photos and scans, check out the French Kate Moennig site.]

p.s. I don’t know why, but this photo of her with the leaf in her mouth freaks me out. I think it’s because I grew up in an area with a lot of poison ivy. Not that it looks like poison ivy, but I’m just saying. You can never be too careful. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to Shane’s lips, now would we?

*UPDATE: Well, Christmas indeed came early. Jennifer was on the August cover all shiny and happy. Guess I’ll have to make a new wish list for Santa. Rose Rollins or Marlee Matlin, perhaps?

Naked Lady Monday

Well, you know the drill. Scroll down and find the (tasteful) NSFW shots. Resist the urge to scroll down and miss out on seeing Penelope Cruz’s photo shoot from the 2007 Pirelli Calendar. Of course, once I tell you it’s Penelope in a beds sheet, all resistance will be futile. (Click to enlarge any of the muy caliente)