Lesbian undertones or just bi-curious boots?

The first pictures of Keira Knightley and Sienna Miller together on the set of their new film “The Best Time of Our Lives” popped up this week. For those keeping score at home, this is the movie that Lindsay Lohan was once attached to and claimed had a “a lesbian undertone.”

“[Keira] is older than me, but she kind of has a mysterious relationship with my lover. And then there’s somewhat of a lesbian undertone.”

Yes, God help me for believing and/or repeating anything Lindsay Lohan says. Apparently all my better instincts just committed suicide. What we do know for sure is that the film centers around the relationship between famed poet Dylan Thomas (Matthew Rhys) and the two women he loves: his wife (Sienna, who replaced Lindsay after she dropped out) and his childhood friend (Keira). If the lesbian undertones are indeed true, it sounds a bit like “Henry & June,” but with different writers and without Uma Thurman.

I’m not sure how I feel about a Keira-Sienna coupling. Sienna doesn’t do much for me and her fashion sense does even less. But it’s still worlds better than any Keira-Lindsay canoodling. The mere thought is almost enough to turn a girl straight.

UPDATE: More shots of Keira and Sienna frolicking at the shore. Of course, since I’m questioning my “stores about lesbian and their life, feeling and so on,” I will scour over these images as research so that I don’t “know little to lesbian.” Ahem.

Back door beauty

Listen attractive actresses of the world, if you’re going to complain about how your attractiveness holds you back and how you wish were recognized for your abilities instead of your body, might I a suggest a pose other than “doggy style” as the best way to make your point. Just a thought. In this month’s Elle, cover girl Jessica Biel discusses her burden of sexiness. No offense to Jessica or her bodacious badonkadonk, but perhaps instead of talking about being taken seriously, she should have listened seriously to the photographer’s instructions. Because I’m pretty sure that when you’re asked to get on your hands and knees and stick your ass in the air, the end result is going to look pretty porny. Seriously, when did Elle become Penthouse? Is the pizza guy going to walk in next as music blares bow-chicka-bow-wow?

My Weekend Crush

While the debate still rages in America about whether Hillary Clinton or any woman, for that matter, could be elected president, the question is being put to the test this weekend in France. On Sunday, French voters will go to the polls and could make history by electing Ségolène Royal the country’s first-ever Madame la Presidente. Now, admittedly, I haven’t followed the daily ins-and-outs of the campaign or the finer points of her political agenda. But what I have seen of the 53-year-old politician, I like. From this outsider’s perspective, she seems to blend strength with compassion in her stances on everything from the economy to education and gay rights. And she is proving to a world that so often wants to place women in prescribed boxes that we can be many things all at once. We can be smart and we can be sexy. We can be gritty and we can be glamorous. We can be tough and we can be tender. And, we can -- if given the chance -- be just as good a president as any man. Happy weekend, all.

UPDATE: Well, damn. Je suis très désolé, mes amis français.

Michelle Rodriguez shoots straight back

As has become the trend with so many celebrities these days, Michelle Rodriguez has gone to the internet to set the record straight. And by straight, I mean non-gay. The actress recently labeled as bisexual by Curve magazine (Lord, don’t get me started on that oh-so-stellar piece of journalism again), wrote a rambling and roaming post on her official website responding to the story. I’ll let you read the whole thing yourself (just be warned, between the small font size, random capitalization and misspelling of the past participle of “be,” you will need some ibuprofen or perhaps a stiff drink -- preferably both).

I’ll give you the unedited highlights with my interpretation below. I had considered responding with interpretive dance, but it’s no fun to watch someone roll into a ball and whimper.

“I thought I would Update you guys on what's going on lately, I know I've bin quiet, for the most part anyway. As far as rumors go of me coming out, I guess curve magazine took it upon themselves to out me on the premise of their own suspicions. Whatever, I'm not insulted, I have a big lesbian following, and for whatever reasons they show me love I'm never going to shun, disrespect or neglect anybody who shows me genuine non-psychotic Love.”

Right, so what I’m taking away from this is that perhaps lesbians should be more choosy about who they show love to.

“Look, I guess what I'm trying to say ultimately is that, if I wanted people to know what I do with my Vagina I would have released A sex video a long time ago. Yet i haven't done that. You know why? Because extremists can rarely be mediators, mass communicators, or chameleons for that matter. I have bin an extremist in my personal life, Yes. Yet I have never really over stepped the boundaries consciously in the public eye.”

Hmm, is she saying everyone who is out is an extremist? Or that everyone who releases a sex tape is an extremist? Because I think a more accurate term for the latter would be an exhibitionist.

“If I were Ellen I may get away with: ' The I'm Gay' level of exposure, but I'm not a comedian, I like men; ( real One's Anyway) and I've only bin in this business for 7 years not 20. Years of recognition can give a person lots of leverage especially if you have many years of positive recognition under your belt. There are certain things that can close doors between a celebrity and certain audiences.”

Uh, so I believe here she is saying that if she didn’t like men, she would be ready to come out in about 13 years.

“I want to communicate on a worldly scale, i don't care if your a bigot, highly religious, gay, poor, rich,stupid, or intelligent, i close no door when it comes to my media work. Some people, ( I call them 'the sheep People'), are highly susceptible to outside influences and suggestions, Especially that of recognizable media channels. These people may make up most of the worlds population. They may not want to even watch a film I produce, direct, or star in, because of Mediocre Rumors produced by insect sucubus media hounds looking for a quick buck.”

While I appreciate her ambitious (attempted) use of the word “succubus,” somehow I feel the irony of its definition might be lost on her.

Listen, I respect Michelle’s right to come out on her own terms, but I take issue with her reasoning. She thinks she can’t come out or even be perceived as gay (really, she kind of flip-flops between the two) because people will hate her irrationally. Well, duh. Welcome to the club. And you know what the solution to that is? More people coming out. Fear of the unknown motivates most of the hatred in this world. And the more people see that gay people are normal and everywhere (and famous), the less they will be able to randomly hate us. No one said doing the right thing was easy or painless. But progress doesn’t come without courage.

Basically, this whole thing makes me tired. And it makes me think that possibly Michelle has a lot of storage issues at home. Otherwise, why else would she keep talking about all those bins?

Betty gets medieval, musical and more

Only THREE more Ugly Bettys left this season and, oh kiddies, tonight is gonna be good. How good? Think Betty, a renaissance restaurant and a mechanical steed. Really, what’s not to love? Plus, all kinds of Betty news broke this week including tidbits on the season finale May 17. Popping in for the big show will be Tony-winner Kristin Chenoweth, Bound-babe Gina Gershon and Mexico’s own Ugly Betty Angélica Vale (star of the telenovela “La Fea Más Bella”). Two Bettys for the price of one? Awesome.
In equally awesome news, get ready for an all-singing, all-dancing episode sometime next season. Not since “Once More With Feeling” has the prospect of a musical made me this happy. At a panel discussion on the show at the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences in Hollywood April 30, producers revealed that a sing-along was in the works. I’m already envisioning Wilhelmina’s number as something very “Priscilla Queen of the Desert” meets “Evita” crossed with “The Bitch is Back.”

In somewhat less awesome news, Salma Hayek probably won’t be returning as a guest star anytime soon. At the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences event, Eric Mabius (who will always be Tim to me) told TV Guide not to expect Salma’s real-life pregnancy to be written into a new storylines for Sophia.

“[Salma] has made it very clear that she’s not going to be returning. She likes to keep her private life very private.”

Bummer. But, we’ll always have our fond memories of that elevator scene. Apparently, America Ferrera has her own special memories of Salma in that arena. As she told E! during the same event, she took the role as Betty because of Salma’s flawless sales pitch, not to mention her flawless breasts. As Salma told her how “Ugly Betty” would be the “biggest hit since Mary Tyler Moore,” America admited to being distracted.

“I was staring at her boobs the whole time.”

You and me both, America. You and me both. Speaking of great boobs, have you seen America (No. 23) as one of People en Espanol’s “Los 50 Más Bellos 2007”? Damn, that girl is gorgeous. I believe a “Hubba!” and a “Bubba!” are in order here.

Buffy #3: The Return of Willow

Willow! Willow is back! Willow is back with a vengeance! (Relax, not the black-eyed, back-haired, black-hearted vengeance we saw from her at the end of season six.) The third comic in the Buffy Season 8 series hits store shelves today. Looks like something Wicca this way comes. Sunnydale’s resident red-haired lesbian witch makes her first full appearance in the new comics to face off with former-witch, turned-rat, turned-back-to-witch Amy in a “witches’ battle royal.” Our cover girl is looking good. Damn good. Check out those pants. And that top. Are we sure this isn’t Vamp Willow? Speaking of Willow looking unWillow-like (but in a very good way), have you seen the shots of Alyson Hannigan in a bikini making the rounds? Oh the freckles…they’re…everywhere.

Ellen gets horizontal

Ellen DeGeneres hurt her back over the weekend and is under doctor’s orders to stay in bed. Now, if a doctor put me on bedrest, I would stay home, eat Cheetos and watch bad daytime television while calling my friends and telling them how awesome it is to be under doctor’s order to stay in bed. But not our gal, Ellen. The Great Panted One is doing her show this week from bed – a bed wheeled right out into the middle of her talk show set. Wow, that’s dedication. Today she’ll be on her back with Ryan Seacrest (insert joke here about this being the first woman Ryan has ever had on her back) and then Wednesday she’ll get horizontal for Lindsay Lohan (insert joke here about La Lohan taking her new Sapphic responsibilities perhaps a little too seriously). Now, if only there was a way to get all the guests in bed, too... Hey, look at that, someone’s listening.

p.s. Get well soon, Big E. Hope you’re back (oh, the puns!) up and at ’em again in no time.

p.p.s. Awww, check out this clip of Ellen talking with her doctor about her injury. Even while drugged out of her noggin on painkillers, the woman is spot on with the funny. That’s our gal.