Pre-L: Last Couple Standing

L607: “Last Couple Standing”
Today’s Pre-L is brought to you by the indescribably awesome and unendingly lovely ladies at tibette.com. Without them, there would be no pre-cap this week. In short, they saved my ass. I just want to hug them all with my legs in friendship. With that, a couple of blog notes: 1) This Pre-L is made from a rough cut, so it may vary slightly from Sunday’s final version. 2) Because it is a rough cut, the screencaps are blurrier than normal. But, hey, blurry screencaps are better than no screencaps, right? As luck would have it, I also have some high-resolution production stills from the episode. So you’ll notice that while most of the caps are incredibly fuzzy, a few are incredibly clear. I know, it’s very Goldilocks of me. And with that, ladies, who wants to dance?

1. Beating a dead horse much?2. If looks could kill, we wouldn’t need a pool.3. Shit, these aren’t the auditions for “Hair?”4. I am not a crook cheater.5. And that is the story of the first Thanksgiving. Any questions?6. This Bad-Ass Motherfuckers Club meeting will come to order.7. Hey, wait, we already saw this afterschool special.8. The Lewinsky of TLW has a black iPhone instead of a blue dress.9. When it rains, it pours.10. WWJD: “Fuck you, you fucking bitch.”11. The rhythm? Not exactly gonna get Shane.12. Feeling the music? Check…… Pumping hard? Triple check.13. It’s always that damn French judge.14. Does no one just use the bathroom to pee anymore?15. Oooooh……see those girls……watch that scene……(over and over and over again)……dig’in the dancing queens.16. Reunited and it feels so good.17. Look who is showing off her “Dancing with the Stars” skills.18. Impersonating Mary Katherine Gallagher won’t save you now.19. Those clips keep the minor demon inside Jenny’s head.20. Hey, dude looks like a…dude.21. Reading a bus schedule is harder than it seems, apparently.22. The day the music died.
New Guestbian Count: 0
Best Line Pretty Much Ever: “You know what, they’ve got wigs and spandex. It’s not a fucking joke.” – Bette to Tina about Alice-n-Pepa
Second Best Line Pretty Much Ever: “I am in a turquoise onesie for you, ok.” – Tasha to Alice
They Know Each Other Too Well I: “Why are you so competitive? – Alice to Bette
They Know Each Other Too Well II: “Oh, so cute.” – Bette to Alice
Once More, With Feeling: Big, sloppy love to tibette.com.

My Weekend Crush

Those arms. That laugh. To not melt in the presence of either is practically a sin. And when those arms and that laugh come together in a tank top, well, all higher brain function pretty much ceases. For three seasons Rose Rollins has brought dignity and warmth to Tasha Williams. As one of the show's few butch characters (well, butch-er, it's still the undeniably feminine Rose underneath there), she took what could have been a cardboard cutout of a stoic soldier and made her likable, relatable and – most important – believable. You actually understand why the opposites of Tasha and Alice might attract thanks to Rose and Leisha's great chemistry. Off screen Rose has embraced her legions (and I mean legions, did you see the Tank Top Tuesday-Off voting?) of lesbian fans. And, if being a wonderful actress and supportive ally weren't enough, she is also a straight-up truth talker. Watch her This Just Out with Liz Feldman interview from earlier this week and you'll see a refreshingly candid take on the disappointment of season 6. Also refreshing is that instead of simply bashing the show's obvious creative shortfalls, she seems genuinely saddened at the lost opportunity that will forever be the great failure of “The L Word.” “It's surrounded by negativity,” she said. “We're ending this season on a negative note, and I feel like it's totally contradictory of what the show represents or how it should inspire women.” Yep, what she said. Happy weekend, all.

Top hoser

In mourning for Carla's loss and Hosea's win, I will refer you to my final "Top Chef" mini-cap posted today on AfterEllen. It's hard to fully articulate my disappointment in both the end result and ultimately this season. Gail Simmons summed it up perfectly.

Top Tortoise

Tonight is the night. Tonight we see if the tortoise really can beat the hare or, more appropriately in this case, the hair-free. Carla has been an absolute delight this season. Sure, she started out kinda kooky but now she is absolutely adorable. You just want to hug her. Or dance with her. Or simply be in the presence in such an uncanny human embodiment of a fraggle.

Seriously, at this point if you're not rooting for Carla then I'm not sure we can be friends. It's not just that she is more likable than her competitors. Sure, Stefan is endlessly arrogant and Hosea is endlessly whiny. But instead of hoping someone loses, as I've done in past season, I genuinely want her to win. She is the best chef out there. Plus if nothing else, think of the epic reaction shot we'd be treated to if Padma proclaims her Top Chef. In my mind's eye it would a little like the distillation of rainbows and unicorns and kittens and butterflies, in one smile.

Hell, you just know even the eternally serene Padma is secretly rooting for Team Hootie-Hoo.

So, now it's all over but the cooking. Go Hooti-Hoo, go! Let's all hope slow and steady really does win the race. And if that doesn't work, there's always pizzazz!

p.s. Just because every time I watch this clip it reminds me what it means to be awesome, let's see this one once more, with feeling:

Target practice

When Sarah Haskins says “Target: Women” she means “target women.” As hello bullseye, goodbye breathing. You see, Sarah has uncovered a sinister plot at the “Today” show. A plot that is being played out for a national television audience oblivious to the grizzly fate that awaits one of their morning favorites. It's a plot to kill Ann Curry.

Now, of course, this got me thinking about whether other women on our televisions should worry for their safety. Perhaps Ann isn't the only one with a primetime hit on her life. And, sure enough, a few sprang immediately to mind. The signs are everywhere. Their fates are sealed. And now, we the viewing audience can only watch as their shows execute the old leave the gun, take the cannoli routine.

The Target: Izzie Stevens, “Grey's Anatomy”The Signs: Never mind seeing dead people, she sleeps with them.
The Hit:It's not a tumor. Maybe it is. Work faster, interns!
The Cannoli: Perhaps not dead, but definitely gone by summer.

The Target: Thirteen, “House”The Signs: Chronic partying, occasional bisexuality, terminally dull relationship with male co-worker
The Hit: The Huntington's was apparently moving too slowly, so why not throw in a tumor and blindness?
The Cannoli: Would they really kill off two girlfriends in two consecutive seasons? Only if you can die from boredom.

The Target: Jenny Schecter, “The L Word”The Signs: Everyone screaming “I'm going to fucking kill you Jenny Schecter!”
The Hit: Best to heed those “no lifeguard on duty” warnings, hon.
The Cannoli: Jenny Schecter. January 18, 2004-March 8, 2009. Deranged Daughter. Insane Friend. She annoyed the world, a lot.

So, can you think of any other easy targets? And I can't be the only one who would kill for a cannoli right now...figuratively.

SGALGG: Oscar Edition

Oh, kittens. The amassed awesome at last night's Oscars was a thing of beauty. Think about it. Last night, all together in one room were, among others: Tina Fey, Kate Winslet, Tilda Swinton, Penelope Cruz, Angelina Jolie, Freida Pinto, Natalie Portman, Diane Lane, Anne Hathaway, Sophia Loren and Meryl fucking Streep. Now, I say Meryl fucking Streep for a reason, because amid last night's orgy of gorgeousness I noticed an interesting trend. Everyone who was anyone wanted to rub up against Meryl Streep. Shit, do you blame them? So in honor of the touchy-feely goodness, I give you a very special Oscar edition of SGALGG. Straight(ish, no comment) Gals Acting Like Gay Gals Who Want to Fuck Meryl. Or, you know, SGALGGWWFM. Put that on a bumper sticker, I dare you. [Click any for big Meryl love.]

Meryl & Penelope CruzMeryl & Queen LatifahMeryl & Sophia LorenMeryl & Natalie PortmanMeryl & Anne HathawayMeryl & Jennifer AnistonMeryl & Kate Winslet

Still, despite the SGALGGWWFM smörgåsbord of last night, a couple of my dream pairings didn't quite happen. But, never one to let reality get in the way of something hot, I remedied that the only way I know how. I give you a very, very special Oscar SGALGG Addendum: Straight(ish, again) Gals We Wish Acted Like Gay Gays But Didn't So We Photoshopped Together Instead. Yeah, I'm not even going to attempt that acronym.

Kate & Tilda & PenelopeTina & Angelina

p.s. Got a dream SGWWALGGBDSWPTI pairing? Well, Photoshop 'em together, already, and leave 'em in the comments.

UPDATE: Dare accepted. Hat tip to garbungled for the awesome bumper sticker!

Back to Black

A much-loved and often-revived trend, Goth has been aligned in the popular consciousness with disaffected youths hanging around a shopping mall. The world of fashion, however, has quite a different take on the matter.
The woman embracing this year’s Gothic look is a fashion-literate individual who knows that this season, Goth equals glamour. When Prada showed a runway of models wearing lace in new and startling incarnations, the fashion world sat up and took notice. This was a sideways glance at the world of Goth, rather than a full-on stare.
This winter, the harsh monochrome of previous years has been softened with texture. This is ‘Soft Goth’, with ruffles, chiffon and lots of layering. The new Goth girl is someone who has read Mary Shelley, but prefers Charlotte Bronte. It is Goth with a romantic undertone. There is a hint of the nineteenth century in the high necklines and low hemlines shown by Roksanda Ilincic, with delicate lace accents softening the potential severity of the modern cut.

‘I was thinking about paganism and dancing around bonfires naked.’
This is Luella Bartley’s explanation for her fairytale-fuelled Gothic fantasy. While I wouldn’t recommend running around Cornwall naked, the pagan notes are clearly felt throughout her witch’s brew of utterly desirable dresses. They are seductive, but playful – like Little Red Riding Hood has gone to the dark side. These dresses are so unapologetically sexy you can, almost like Macbeth, allow yourself to be bewitched by the sizzle and crackle from beneath the cauldron.
This element of subversive playfulness echoes through a number of collections, notably including Giles, Gareth Pugh and Emma Cook. Frills, quilting and zipper details add a new flavour to an old fashion story. Again, the slant is skewed on glamour: the soft ruffled details on a knee-length shift dress by Fendi are romance personified. It is the decadent detailing that makes this year’s Goth-girl a breath of fresh air. There is quite literally something here for every taste. It is fashion recycled; an old idea spun to weave another pattern altogether.

When many designers are choosing to head in a pared-back, minimalist, credit-crunch-proof direction, these designers are defiantly going for the glamour vote. It is a wise move too, as economic gloom aside; every woman wants to feel beautiful and special. There is nothing special about a bland LBD with nothing but its pedigree to recommend it. This season’s collections showcase truly beautiful clothes that are unique and dazzling, wearable and accessible.
When times are tough, we do indeed retrace our fashion steps and go back to what is familiar, but if you are smart, you know that nothing lifts the spirits more than wearing something that makes you feel utterly alive. In this economic slump, it is not functionality that we require: it is a lusty, full-blooded sartorial reminder that the good times will return. It is time to go back to black.

HELEN TOPE